Are You Mad At Me?: How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You

Hardback Published on: 07/08/2025
Price: £18.99
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Bookseller Reviews

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Are You Mad At Me?
A book you wish you had read earlier
As the title says, many of us may ask the question are you mad at me? from a position of confidence, but that is not always the case. When we are young and... READ MORE
Too many books not enough time

Synopsis

From psychotherapist and social media star Meg Josephson, a groundbreaking exploration of people-pleasing as an under-recognized but common trauma response, that also offers a compassionate and actionable path for healing.

Are you...
- Constantly worried about what people think of you, if they like you, if they're mad at you?
- Anxious, a perfectionist, or an overachiever?
- Always overextending yourself (and then resentful)?
- Someone who avoids conflict at all costs?
- Fearful of getting into trouble or being seen as "bad"?
- Silencing your needs for the comfort and happiness of everyone else?
- Prone to overexplain or over apologize?
- Eternally obsessing over why someone texted with a period instead of an exclamation point?

In Are You Mad at Me?, psychotherapist Meg Josephson explodes the idea that people-pleasing is a personality trait. Instead, she illuminates how it's actually a common trauma response (also known as "fawning"): an instinct often learned in childhood to become more appealing to a perceived threat in order to feel safe. Yet many people are stuck in this way of being for their whole lives.
Meg weaves her own moving story, fascinating patient case studies, and thought-provoking exercises to show readers how to:

- Identify all the roles you might play from peacekeeper to performer to caretaker to perfectionist to lone wolf to chameleon that keep you far from yourself.
- Stop fearing your thoughts and emotions, even if they're unpleasant.
- Rethink conflict and boundaries as an opening for deeper connection.
- Practice "leaning back" in relationships.

Publisher information

  • Publisher: Vintage Publishing
  • ISBN: 9781529949612
  • Number of pages: 304
  • Dimensions: 224 x 146 x 29 mm
  • Weight: 402g
  • Languages: English

Customer Reviews

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Are You Mad At Me?
I wish 18 year old me had this!
Are You Mad At Me mostly focuses on the fourth trauma response, fawn. It goes into detail, in a casual, friendly way, into why we do this, and why it co... READ MORE
Ste Oneill
Are You Mad At Me?
Essential Reading!
I don't think I've ever felt so _seen_ by a book! I found myself wanting to highlight at least one thing on more or less every page! Not only does Josephso... READ MORE
melissy teapot
Are You Mad At Me?
Five stars!
Are You Mad at Me? has officially arrived and just LOOK at this adorable matching tote bag
The Secret Book Review
Are You Mad At Me?
Excellent book on the fawn response
I thought this book was great! The fawn response has always been little-known so books like this are super important in educating people about it. It re... READ MORE
Hannah Stark
Are You Mad At Me?
Great book
I don’t think I have ever read a book that is so relevant to me. It made me realise a lot of things and also validated a journey I started on some time ago... READ MORE
Helsbelstels
Are You Mad At Me?
Resonates hard
I’ve struggled with my mental health for the majority of my adult life, and one thing in particular I have real issues with is people pleasing. Things that... READ MORE
Amie