An astonishing and insightful story into the harsh reality of gambling addiction. A must-read for anybody!

This is Patrick Foster's story. He was a promising young cricketer who was playing county cricket at an elite level in his teens. He did well at university and had a good circle of friends. After that he became a teacher and schools were impressed by him. However he managed to keep his gambling addiction a secret from family, friends and employers for many years. In addition to his gambling addiction he was also probably an alcoholic and an extremely skilled and convincing liar. Until the point where everything started to unravel... And that is where this book actually starts. In March 2018 Patrick realises he is close to the end of the road. Twice he feels suicide is his only option. On the 2nd occasion he is very close indeed to going ahead with that. The first chapter ends there and the book then goes back to October 2006. This is when he started to gamble. At university, with a group of mates, he gets a win. It feels good. Then he gets another and then a big one. From there on his addiction grows, slowly at times and then at an increasing speed. Much of the time it makes for some dark reading. As far as I can see Patrick is completely open about his addiction(s) and problems generally throughout this book. The opening of this book leading to his 2nd suicide plan makes for difficult - gut wrenching even - reading. In practice going back to the autumn of 2006 and the start of the addiction is something of a relief. This period simply feels like looking into a cavern - dark and potentially threatening but something you might walk away from. In the early stages his addiction is somewhat under control. However as time goes by he gets into debt to fund his habit. To start with this is bank loans or similar. However he then starts to get payday type loans (2013/14) and the debt spiral sharpens. From there he seeks funds from friends and then parents of children he teaches (and then frankly anyone anywhere who will lend him money!). "I was quite brilliant at hiding what I needed to hide" sums up some of his life quite well. It is remarkable just how ultra efficient he was with his life and that allowed him to function while addicted. At times he gets really substantial wins however they simply go on further bets and he loses big time too. The worse things get the more gambling became the outlet and the attempt to put things right again. He does make the valid point in later stages that "mens mental health was a taboo subject" at that time and his self esteem falls rapidly. By 2015 he has 50k debts. In 2016 his parents become involved and he does partially disclosure aspects of his problem. They give him a loan to pay off his debts. He tells them he has and goes on gambling. By the following year he has met a new partner and is very close to her. He moves in with her in the summer of the following year. By then he considers himself an alcoholic too and does actually want to stop gambling - a first. The latter part of the book has parts that are his partner Charlotte's views of the relationship contrasted with his. It made for fascinating reading but it was obvious his skills at lying were no longer enough. By now his debts were far higher and he cannot even begin to service the loans he has. The book then returns to his final suicide plan. What follows does make for very powerful reading. At the end of the book there is a "final thoughts" section. While they were interesting they felt a little disjointed and more like a set of notes. I found this a remarkable read. As a story it is powerful. As an insight into addiction it is extremely good. There are plenty of ideas to consider in this other than the simple buzz of/addiction to gambling. Were there aspects of Patrick's background that made him more susceptible to this and if so what where they for example? I can see this book working for someone who is simply interested however I think it would be great for counsellors or psychologists too. Note - I received an advance digital copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair review